Wednesday, May 18, 2016

Living in Two Countries


After all everybody, that is, everybody who writes is interested in living inside themselves in order to tell what is inside themselves. That is why writers have to have two countries, the one where they belong and the one in which they live really. – Gertrude Stein
I murdered CG. I did it yesterday morning: after coffee, before breakfast. 
I can't kill on a full stomach. Does strange things to my digestion. Problem is I'm rusty, haven't murdered anyone in years, and now I'm faced with all sorts of problems. Not guilt. She asked for it. No, it's the body! I have to get rid of the body without... Who is that man? Why is he watching me? What? What do you want?
No, I can't eat yet, thanks... I'll go to the market later. Milk, eggs, bread, okay. 
He's coming toward me. He can't have seen anything. Don't fall apart. You did nothing wrong. You did what had to be done to save...
Cheese with peppers, the kind you like. I know. I have to make an appointment with the doctor, too.... They're coming tomorrow, I'll clear up tonight after...
After I dispose of the body. And get rid of this man approaching. Okay, freeze, everyone. You mister, stay there. Hold that thought. 
The supermarket is supernaturally bright. So many suspicious people milling around the produce...
It's him! He must have followed me. How is that possible? I don't know, but it's him. The same deranged light in his eyes. He jams the cart and blocks the bananas, allowing no one else near. Entitled, knowing more than he should, daring anyone else to reach for a banana...
Now he's moving toward the... grapes. From a safe distance I watch. He reaches in a plastic bag, grabs a handful of red grapes and gulps them down, all at once. Shameless, without pleasure. 
He looks around furtively. Sneers. The mad light in his eyes. "They're not ripe yet."
His voice is strangely high-pitched, creepy, in such a big man. And his words: They're not ripe yet. 
They're not ripe yet. 
Oh my God, of course not. They're not ripe yet. The girls. The pretty girls. He knows what I've done. He's saying I acted too soon. I should have waited.
But I had to silence her. The questions she was asking would have led right back to...
Yes, but now they'll have more questions about what happened to her. And once they start digging, they won't stop till they get to the heart.
He's at the Bread aisle. He turns back. One look. And a nod. To let me know he knows.
I'm getting out of here. 
No, I don't have coupons. 
Yes, I'll give a dollar for the fund.
I forgot the eggs, the milk, the bread...
Hi! I didn't see you. Yes, I'm fine. No, I haven't seen Ann. Definitely, we'll get together soon. Bye!
Why did she ask me about Ann? Does she think I've done something to her? 
It's true that someone else needs to notice CG is missing. Not just the mad-eyed man. 
My phone. Hi, sweetie. Yeah, I'm good. Just leaving the market. How are you? Really? That's great. Listen, I have a question. If someone said to you, "They're not ripe yet," would you take that as a warning...?
Tossing and turning all night, moving my people around, a dream in which we're all crammed in a supermarket, moving our carts, eying each other with suspicion, and he's there, of course, moving toward me with deadly threat....
I return to my people this morning. After (black) coffee... Ah, here they are, frozen as I left them. CG, dead. Banana Man watching. A new person, a woman, enters. "Have you seen...?"
Wait. No. I've got it. 
CG, get up. A brief reprieve. You're not ripe yet. There's one more thing you need to do before...
I know I forgot the milk and eggs, but I bought bananas.... They're not ripe either?
They never are, he says, his mad eyes focused not on CG, but on me.  
I'm coming, I'm coming, just give me one more minute....
You, that's right, all of you, including you, CG, just wait right there. I'll be back tomorrow. 

Monday, June 29, 2015

Celebrating Love

Lovers in St. Petersburg

        Some of you may remember that when I set out on my voyage last August, I decided to use "love" as the focus of my blog posts and explorations of the world. The idea came to me in London, when I walked along the Thames and saw an exhibit celebrating love in all its forms and inviting the passerby to enter the "tunnel of love." 



       I've never not been fascinated, even obsessed, by the question of love. Like many girls, I wanted to be Nancy Drew, but with one caveat: I wanted to be a love detective--to seek out the mysteries, secrets, wonders of love. I snooped and spied on everyone, strangers and friends, trying to get to the heart of what I considered the greatest mystery of all: why do we fall in love with one person, and not another? 


       I read romance comics--anyone remember those hoary, moralistic tales?--and devoured love stories wherever and however I found them. I wrote my first love story at age 14 and proudly handed it in to my English teacher. It was a terrible imitation of Colette and D.H. Lawrence (did I mention I was a very precocious reader?), a sensual realization by a woman that her lover has left her and will never return. The woman breathes in their sheets and pillows, still smelling of their lovemaking, and she knows she will never forget his unique scent and the love they shared. Keep in mind this was written by a girl who had been kissed a couple of times, but who gleaned her knowledge by following people, staring at them and eavesdropping on conversations, and of course imagining what exactly Lady Chatterly and her lover did without having a clear sense of the depths and heights, and even the humor, of passion. All I knew was there was a world out there I needed to explore. 



          The teacher ripped it to shreds in front of the entire class. She called my writing, "obscene," a word I'd never heard of before. After that, years passed before I shared my writing again. 

        Today I may have a clearer sense of the realities of love, but I'm still every bit as curious (my husband says, "nosy") as when I was a kid and picked up The Royal Road to Romance by Richard Halliburton, an early 20th century traveler and adventurer, simply because of its title. Little did I know it was the beginning of the merging of my two great passions: love and travel. I'm not searching for definitive answers anymore: there is no one true solution to the mystery of what is love or who we love. And there is no one voyage that will tell me: this is it, the final border, no more to see, nothing left to explore. There will always be more. Many great travelers have said that we travel in order to understand the landscape of ourselves. Love, like travel, teaches us to see with all our senses. It is a promise and a gift. 

       I believe love is the most profound form of travel: it teaches us to explore another human being with the same curiosity, humility, wonder and compassion with which we explore a foreign country. And to return to ourselves, hopefully, with a new generosity and tenderness. As we approach the 4th of July, our day of independence, let's celebrate the freedom to love and marry whom we choose. Happy Freedom Day, everyone! 








Thursday, March 19, 2015

Entering the Woods





“No dawdling or daydreaming,” warned the mother of a school friend. “Go directly to school and come directly back home.”

Her words filled me with horror. To walk back and forth from school and not stop to notice the cornstalks bursting through sheets of ice. Not stand beneath a tree and puzzle at the cottony gray veils spreading between branches—a witch’s shawl, I thought, but later learned it was deadly gypsy moths. Not crouch over a brass key found on the sidewalk, and shiver, knowing it was a clue dropped by a spy who was watching right now to see who dared pick it up.

Every day was an adventure, a treasure hunt crammed with mysterious characters and wondrous sights, and how on earth could I get to the heart of the world if I didn’t dawdle, daydream, and step off the path? At nine, I already knew I’d be a writer and accepted my destiny: to always be late, to go off the clearly marked, brightly lit path, and to make it to my destination via the most winding route imaginable.

Today, I see my friend’s mother’s warnings echoed and transformed into time management software, templates and graphs offering shortcuts that speed you through the creative process. No pain. No wasted minutes. No blundering in the dark. Someone has already mapped your journey for you and connected the dots.

It may not be fair, but I kind of blame Little Red Riding Hood’s mother for our obsession with speeding to our destination while ignoring the by-paths that tempt along the way. Go directly to Grandma’s house, she said. Don’t go off the path or talk to the Wolf.

Even as a kid, I loathed this tale and its cheerless message: Complete your mission and do not stop to smell the flowers or acknowledge the danger that lurks at the side of the road.

It’s often tempting when we start a creative endeavor to follow the safe, clearly marked path. Others have gone before you and left behind signs and guideposts. You won’t get lost on that path, and you may get to Grandma’s house in record time, like the White Rabbit in Alice in Wonderland, looking at his watch and muttering, Hurry, hurry, there’s no time to waste.


The forest of tall, narrow birch trees outside St. Petersburg—
trees like guards hiding secrets, maybe fairy tale monsters.

But you know what? I’m here to tell you that if you want to truly create a book, song, painting or magic illusion from your soul, you need to step off the bright-lit road and explore the deep dark woods. The roads are not marked. No dots are connected, and you have to hack your way through in order to create a path no one else has ever walked. Strange sounds accompany you, unknown creatures howl, and vines wind around you. You will be alone for a while. You will get lost. You will get scared. And you’ll hear the sound of your own voice crying out in the wilderness. It may seem the sun will never rise again and you’ll be lost forever.

That’s the time to gather your strength and courage for a final effort. Our ancestors, who told fairy tales around a fire at night or in a kitchen, understood one of the primary messages of the tales: a character must undergo a sea-change, dramatic and profound, in order to become the hero or heroine they are meant to be. Entering the woods—whatever form they take—is like entering the deepest, darkest part of yourself. If you write, your characters need to undertake this journey as well as you do. If you brave the woods and face the dark terrors that haunt you—your personal Wolf—you will glimpse light at the end of that long night.

And when you finally emerge from the woods, you may find yourself at Grandma’s house after all.   

Or a castle on a mountain.

Or ancient ruins by the sea.

Or your own backyard where it may appear you’ve been doing nothing but lying on the grass, while in reality you conquered dragons, saved (and taken) lives, discovered the cure to a dangerous virus, touched a star.

I confess that my favorite versions of Red are the ones in which she does it all: picks flowers, chats up the Wolf and gets his measure, and makes it to Grandma’s where she outwits him, and in the process manages to clear the woods of that dangerous beast. All in a day’s work. And then she, Grandma and the Huntsman settle down for tea and cookies. Now that’s a story that warms my heart.

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference. 
                           --Robert Frost, The Road Not Taken


A note: In case you wonder, I do own a watch. Several months ago, in preparation for a three and a half month sea voyage spanning three continents, I bought a large, complicated watch that looked like it could do everything but navigate the ship. Sadly, it was so complicated I never could figure out how to change the time in each new port. Neither could anyone else. I’ve since taken it off and set it on my bedside table. I feel much more relaxed though it emits resentful beeps at unspecified times (5:39, 7:53) that remind me of my friend’s mother. Dire warnings, I’m sure, which I’m happy to ignore.

Thursday, January 8, 2015

Ruth's Tao of Travel

Antwerp Train Station

January 8, 2015

One month ago today I climbed down the gangway of the MV Explorer for the last time and set foot on land in the USA after four months away. During that time I traveled to 14 countries, a whirl of impressions and experiences that still dizzies, enchants and excites me.

I had many first experiences, including raking and harvesting salt (Cadiz), learning to create a stencil portrait with a graffiti street artist (Berlin), making delicious tapas (Barcelona), dancing salsa in a nightclub (Havana), studying percussion at a samba school (Rio de Janeiro), communing with a goddess (Kildare, Ireland), and attending a candomble ceremony (Salvador).

I tasted new foods, listened to live music of all kinds, danced my heart out, and talked to people with every language in my power-- words, gestures, smiles.

I asked myself and my fellow travelers questions: Why do we travel? To see the destination? To learn about the place? To search for truths about ourselves?

I realized that I travel to connect -- to connect with gods, myths and people through food, music and history. Even more, to find the myths, foods, songs and stories that connect us rather than divide us.

To that end, I've compiled a list of 10 travel guidelines, a Tao of Travel inspired by the great traveler, Paul Theroux. In homage, my #1 is the same as his. I hope they inspire you to create your own list ... and to take off on a trip yourself. Happy Voyages in 2015!

1. Travel alone. At the very least, find time to be alone-- an hour, an afternoon-- and explore on your own. Walk whenever you can.

2. Get lost. Seriously. Remember the art of wandering. Take a bus, subway or walk with no destination, and then gradually wind your way back to where you began. Be sure to ask directions and talk to people along the way. 

3. Eat where locals do. 

Outdoor stand in the Djma el Fna'a, Marrakesh


4. Browse a street market or supermarket. You can learn so much from the items that are (or are not) stocked. The empty shelves in St. Petersburg and Havana, the enticing windows and bursting produce in Barcelona and Naples ....

Storefront in Naples


       
La Boqueria, Barcelona

5. Keep a travel journal. You will never have a second chance to have a first impression of a place. Write it down while the sensory details are fresh in your mind. 

6.  Do something touristy. Splurge once, if you can. 

7. Connect. Talk to people. Ask questions. Not just fellow tourists, but guides-- they are proud of their city or country and want to share it-- and locals. Ask them where to go and what to do.

8. Pre-voyage: learn basic phrases for each new country. Read a bit of poetry, fiction, and nonfiction by noted authors of the country.

9. Stop journaling and photographing. (I know, I know, but you need to look up and see directly with your eyes, too.) Sit for an hour on a bench or at a cafe and watch people. Listen to them. Absorb their rhythm.

10. When we travel, we take home impressions, souvenirs, memories. But what do we leave behind? Did we connect with anyone who will remember us? Traveling gives us the chance to leave a part of ourselves everywhere we go, not only to be touched by others, but also to touch other lives. 

Below, some of the wonderful people who helped make my voyage unforgettable. Thank you! Gracias! Danke! Obrigada! Until we meet again ....






Friday, December 19, 2014

Cuba: Myth & Reality


I wrote this post last week, a few days before US agreed to normalize relations with Cuba and to free the remaining members of the Cuban 5. Doors between the US and Cuba that have been closed for over 50 years are now opening. Hard to believe I was in Cuba a few short weeks ago. The excitement was palpable, we felt a change in the air, fresh winds blowing from the sea ....

Day 1, and a dozen photographers snapped our photos as we descended the gangway of the MV Explorer, our home for past 108 days, giving us our first taste of paparazzi. A police escort accompanied us from the port to the university, where the rector of the university urged peace between the US and Cuba. 

This is my third Semester at Sea voyage as a faculty member teaching Travel Writing and Creative Writing, and I’ve left pieces of my heart in many cities around the world, but this heartfelt welcome to Havana brings me to tears, nearly making me miss the enormous banner draped over the entrance to the university: The Cuban 5.

“Imagine there’s no heaven,” sings John Lennon over the loudspeaker. “It’s easy if you try.”
           
 I am known for my imagination, but nothing prepared me for this surreal moment: over six hundred Semester at Sea students, faculty and staff climbing the eighty-eight steps to the University of Havana on a windy morning in late November. Later, I get lost in the rhythm of the dance as Cuban and American students (and faculty!) move to the beat. 
          


          
The most problematic moment of the day comes when we file into a small theatre in Vieja Havana where La Colmenita (The Little Beehive) a children’s theatre group (aged five to fourteen) will put on a special performance for us. “In English, just for you,” cries Tim, the gray-mustached manager/director of the troupe. “With love for you! Enjoy!” He blows us kisses, and the curtain goes up.
           
I settle in my chair and watch the children perform a play. They are talented and adorable, especially a tiny girl wearing large glasses, and dressed in a jaunty Peter Pan cap and tights. But wait … what’s this? In the middle of the play, a public service announcement with Danny Glover exhorting us to free the Cuban 5? And video footage of the 5 tenderly playing with their children or teasing their mothers? Ah, I see, this isn’t a play at all. It’s propaganda masquerading as art, slogans pretending to be dialogue—uttered by wide-eyed, earnest children. My stomach coils tighter than when the ship sailed through a typhoon.
            
You’re in Cuba, I remind myself. Did you expect a frothy Disney concoction with singing, dancing little bees?
            
Yes, I admit. I want to see Cuba as more than politics and myths of revolution. It’s a tropical paradise of faded glamour, mojitos and daiquiris, hot salsa that starts in the soul and travels to the feet, and warm, generous people. It is also a country where time seems to have stopped in 1959, at the height of revolucion. A country of old men: Che Guevara, Fidel Castro, and Ernest Hemingway, a Holy Triad who never age and remain frozen in myths as colorful as the 50s cars sailing down the roads, and whose photos loom over the entire city. 

Tour historic Hotel Nacional with Estela, the diminutive guide who was eighteen during the Cuban Missile Crisis, and move from notorious Room 214—where Frank Sinatra stayed and used the secret entrance to Meyer Lansky’s room—to the underground bunker where posters display photos of Fidel Castro with Khrushchev. “This is my Fidel,” sighs Estela. “I wish they showed these pictures of him all over town, not the ones when he got older.”
            
But no one sees the eighty-eight year-old ailing former leader. The images of Fidel plastered around Havana depict a rumpled, bearded middle-aged man. Fidel hasn’t aged, and neither has the second member of the Bearded Triumvirate dominating Havana’s mythic landscape: Che Guevara, handsome and charismatic from fierce glare to clenched jaw. Che’s face—the iconic portrait that inspired the hippie revolutionary movement of the late 60s-early 70s—broods from book covers, posters, T-shirts, key chains, ashtrays, and aprons, and at night, lights up against a building overlooking the Plaza de la Revolucion. Though I haven’t smelled the Che Guevara cologne, I’ve been assured it exists. A Cuban friend told me that after Cuba, Che went to Bolivia to offer his services, but when the Bolivians saw Che in reality—balding, wearing glasses, middle-aged paunch—they turned him down.   
            
The third member of the Holy Triad, Ernest Hemingway, still bursts with testosterone from black and white photos where he grips a shotgun or fish, drinks at his favorite bars, smiles with Fidel, and poses with his hunting trophies. Tour buses unload Hemingway aficionados in Cojimar, the wild, isolated fishing village that inspired The Old Man and the Sea. At his favorite seaside café, La Terraza, they are given fizzy blue drinks (specialty of the house) and led to the dining room to ogle his table, roped off and set and waiting.
            
Back in Vieja Havana, I walk into the room in the pink Hotel Ambos Mundos, where he lived ($3/night during the low season, $5 high season) and wrote. And drank and lived hard. Peering over his typewriter (under glass), I picture him writing terse, taut sentences, tossing adjectives and adverbs out the window like small wriggling fish. Around the corner at La Bodegita del Medio, a cozy neighborhood bar that serves up mojitos, cigars, and hot music, I toast him with a mojito, and then follow his shadow down the pedestrian street of Obispo, lined with cafes, shops, churro stands, and musicians, to the swirling neon sign of El Floridita, the delightfully retro bar known for its daiquiris. I sit next to his smiling bronze bust—on his favorite stool, his back to the wall—and over a daiquiri named for him, I ask what he thinks of this country of old men who remain forever young. He doesn’t answer, maybe because behind us, trapped in his own black and white myth, Fidel eavesdrops.
            
             
                                                           

On my last evening in Havana, I explore the streets beyond the carefully circumscribed tourist areas. The instant you step off Obispo and Mercederes, you stumble into enormous potholes and torn-up roads, crumbling buildings, markets with nearly empty shelves, and people talking, smoking, eating, and laughing on balconies and steps. They rarely eat at the tourist restaurants a few blocks away. There are two different currencies—one for the tourists (Cuban Convertible Pesos, or CUCs), and one for the Cubans (pesos). US dollars are not officially supposed to be exchanged, but for ten US dollars, you get eight CUCs. The average monthly salary for a doctor is fifteen CUCs. A daiquiri at El Floridita costs six CUCs. Health care and education are taken care of, but it is incredibly difficult to live, day to day. When I ask a Cuban friend how he survives on a monthly salary of thirteen CUCs, he shrugs. “Black market. Extra jobs. Tips.” Then, with a shy grin, “Do you have room for one Cuban on your ship?”


            
As the sky darkens, I return to the port along the Malecon, a five-mile walkway along the sea. In the distance I glimpse the lights of our ship, the MV Explorer. Havana is our last port, and in less than a week we’ll return home to the United States. I’ve fallen in love with this city—the tropical promise and warmth, and even the underlying shadows beneath every ray of sun. I understand that people eat myths for survival, but the revolucion was fifty-five years ago, Che was executed, Fidel has a successor, and two of the Cuban 5 are home.
           
I wrote these words as soon as we returned to the US. Now, in light of new developments from Washington, I hear the clock ticking again. It’s time to move on and imagine new stories, ones that haven’t been written because they haven’t been lived yet. To create new heroes. To restore hope. As John Lennon says, “Imagine all the people living in peace …. You may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one.”
          
Dancing at the University of Havana